Monday, Monday

1) Security guards can be really annoying. So I forget my ID today for the first time (and definitely not the last) and realize when I get on the metro so it was way too late to go home and get it. I try to walk past the security guard of my building nonchalantly since I belong there and they never ask to see your ID but of course on the day I forget my ID he stops me and asks to see it. I waste a couple seconds pretending to search for it in my bag even though I know I don't have it and finally mutter, "I must have forgotten it." Then I tell him I'm a graduate student and my department is on the 3rd floor. He looks at me as if he's confused and says, "That doesn't mean anything to me."

At that point I was just annoyed and shot him a dirty look. What do you mean the phrase graduate student doesn't mean anything to you?? Have you not noticed all the younger looking people walking in and out of the building everyday? Did he wake up this morning and decide he was gonna give me a hard time?! After a few more questions he finally lets me sign in. Honestly if I were going to try to gain illegal access to the medical campus, I wouldn't try to ealk through the front door of one of the more popular buildings on campus. I know I'm overreacting to the situation but I was already in a bad mood because I didn't want to go to class and my friend the security guard made it worse.

2) Also for my faithful readers who were probably wondering, "Have you run into Ansel yet?" Today was that day. So I guess I didn't technically run into him but I saw him. Every Monday there is a microbiology seminar that we're "required" to attend and plus they give us coffee and cookies. So I went to the first one of the year today and sat in the back of the room with some other first years. We're just chatting with each other before the lecture starts and I'm just looking around the room and I spot him on a diagonal from me and let out an audible, "Oh shit" and sink down in my seat. Why in the world did he come to my department's lecture? I'm not sure when he spotted me but I know for sure he did because a PI standing behind me asked a question in the middle of the lecture and everyone in the room (it was a very small room)turned to look to see who was speaking and I saw him see me. We didn't speak or acknowledge each other in any way and when the lecture was over he quickly left the room from the exit in the front of the room.

I was wondering when this inevitable day would come and am a little surprised it hadn't happened sooner. How did I feel upon seeing him?? It was a weird feeling. I didn't get all nostalgic for the "good ole days" or anything like that but rather a mixture of guilt, anger, and disfamiliarity. Guilt because of the way things ended and how he reacted--I still feel like I don't have a sense of closure. Anger for a lot of the verbal abuse I endured from him especially in this past year which was a huge part of my decision to end our relationship. And lastly disfamiliarity because I feel like I just don't know that person anymore and I guess I really don't.

We grew apart and are different people now then we were when we were together and that's ok--people come into and leave your life at different times for different reasons and in the end things do work out for the best for all parties involved (this is one cliche that I firmly believe in). I wouldn't take back the time Ansel and I spent together and while I wish our relationship had ended differently, I don't regret that it ended. This was my first "break-up" and in the months leading up to breaking up and from the act itself, I learned a lot about myself and where I am in my life especially in regards to romantic relationships. A new person has come into my life to help me grow as a person and experience love in a new way and I have been and am very happy.