It's been a while since my last post but that's because nothing new has really happened. I'm settling into a school routine and it's really not that exciting--I've got my first set of exams for both my classes out of the way (passed one so far, just waiting to get the other one back) and also started my lab rotation. It felt really good to be in the lab again until I was the last one to leave tonight...the point of a rotation is not really to work, so it's completely unacceptable to be there past 5pm (I'm only being slightly sarcastic). I'm working on characterizing a gene in chlamydia (yes, the STD and no, I do not have a personal vendetta here). I was so spoiled working at the NIH last year where we spent so much money on pre-made things (pre-cast gels, buffers already made, etc) and now I spend so much time just making gels, solutions, etc that I need to learn to plan my time in the lab better to minimize wasting time on prep work...oh how I miss the government. But for real I really do miss living in Bethesda and working at the NIH--in comparison I like grad school so far but don't really like living in Miami. People down here tell me it's the equivalent of a warmer New York but that is a blatant lie and those people should be shot for making such a blasphemous statement--New York has all four seasons (I'd kill for fall weather right now) and isn't tacky like Miami and people in Miami are much ruder than any New Yorker hands-down.
Other than that this past week or so has been rather stressful more so with my personal life than academic stuff. I've had a rather awkward run-in with Ansel, been rather snippy with Louis (as a consequence), and am praying for my hair to magically regrow after my aunt hacked a ton of it off when I just wanted a trim. I've definitely freaked out about all these things and other little things I can't even remember anymore (screamed, cried, etc) and when is all said and done, I just need to chill out! The question is how do I do that before I get upset in the first place?! This is one area of my personality that I really want to work on especially since I feel it betrays some of my lingering immaturity. We'll see how that goes...
Monday, September 29, 2008
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Cute Story...yeah, I'm sappy
Ok, so I decided to write an entry instead of studying for my first test this Thursday...
I wanted to share a really touching story that Louis told me about a couple days ago that a geriatrician told his med school class about during a lecture.
So once upon a time Margaret and Bob were high school sweethearts and loved each other very much even though Margaret's father disapproved of their relationship. Unfortunately Bob had to go serve in WWII and leave Margaret behind. Margaret tried to keep in touch with by writing him letters while he was away and Bob did the same. However, Margaret's father never sent any of the letters to Bob and hid all the letters from Bob from Margaret so neither got any of the letters from the other. After thinking Bob wasn't writing her back, Margaret sent one last letter to Bob tellign him she thought that they should move on with their lives and see what else is out there for them--her father sent this letter to Bob. (Sounds a little like The Notebook right? You can be sure that by this point in the convo I was for sure tearing up)
So Margaret and Bob did move on with their lives. They both fell in love again and married other people and had families. Both lived in Kansas City but never tried to contact each other. Eventually Margaret's husband and Bob's wife passed away and Bob decided to get in touch with Margaret again. They did see each other again and after all those years were still in love with each other and got married...in their eighties.
And now comes the sad part. Margaret was diagnosed with lung cancer and her first thought when she learned of her diagnosis was concern for Bob and what he would do without her. The geriatrician that told this story to the med school class was the one who helped Margaret tell Bob about her diagnosis and has been involved with her treatment. Margaret underwent surgery but isn't responding well to chemotherapy, etc so she and Bob have decided that she won't have any more surgeries, etc and they will just spend the remaining time they have with each other and make the most of it.
By the time Louis finished telling me this story I was ready to start crying. I hope eventually that I find love like that and get to spend the rest of my life with that person. Sometimes I doubt the likelihood of that considering that the U.S. divorce rate is approximately 50% and it seems like no one stays together anymore but then stories like Margaret and Bob's makes it seem possible after all except I hope I don't have to wait until I'm eighty. Also I have no idea where I'm going to end up in the future let alone a year from now and where my relationships are going to go as a result of that but I try to comfort myself with the thought that if it's meant to be, it'll work out in the end.
I wanted to share a really touching story that Louis told me about a couple days ago that a geriatrician told his med school class about during a lecture.
So once upon a time Margaret and Bob were high school sweethearts and loved each other very much even though Margaret's father disapproved of their relationship. Unfortunately Bob had to go serve in WWII and leave Margaret behind. Margaret tried to keep in touch with by writing him letters while he was away and Bob did the same. However, Margaret's father never sent any of the letters to Bob and hid all the letters from Bob from Margaret so neither got any of the letters from the other. After thinking Bob wasn't writing her back, Margaret sent one last letter to Bob tellign him she thought that they should move on with their lives and see what else is out there for them--her father sent this letter to Bob. (Sounds a little like The Notebook right? You can be sure that by this point in the convo I was for sure tearing up)
So Margaret and Bob did move on with their lives. They both fell in love again and married other people and had families. Both lived in Kansas City but never tried to contact each other. Eventually Margaret's husband and Bob's wife passed away and Bob decided to get in touch with Margaret again. They did see each other again and after all those years were still in love with each other and got married...in their eighties.
And now comes the sad part. Margaret was diagnosed with lung cancer and her first thought when she learned of her diagnosis was concern for Bob and what he would do without her. The geriatrician that told this story to the med school class was the one who helped Margaret tell Bob about her diagnosis and has been involved with her treatment. Margaret underwent surgery but isn't responding well to chemotherapy, etc so she and Bob have decided that she won't have any more surgeries, etc and they will just spend the remaining time they have with each other and make the most of it.
By the time Louis finished telling me this story I was ready to start crying. I hope eventually that I find love like that and get to spend the rest of my life with that person. Sometimes I doubt the likelihood of that considering that the U.S. divorce rate is approximately 50% and it seems like no one stays together anymore but then stories like Margaret and Bob's makes it seem possible after all except I hope I don't have to wait until I'm eighty. Also I have no idea where I'm going to end up in the future let alone a year from now and where my relationships are going to go as a result of that but I try to comfort myself with the thought that if it's meant to be, it'll work out in the end.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Monday, Monday
1) Security guards can be really annoying. So I forget my ID today for the first time (and definitely not the last) and realize when I get on the metro so it was way too late to go home and get it. I try to walk past the security guard of my building nonchalantly since I belong there and they never ask to see your ID but of course on the day I forget my ID he stops me and asks to see it. I waste a couple seconds pretending to search for it in my bag even though I know I don't have it and finally mutter, "I must have forgotten it." Then I tell him I'm a graduate student and my department is on the 3rd floor. He looks at me as if he's confused and says, "That doesn't mean anything to me."
At that point I was just annoyed and shot him a dirty look. What do you mean the phrase graduate student doesn't mean anything to you?? Have you not noticed all the younger looking people walking in and out of the building everyday? Did he wake up this morning and decide he was gonna give me a hard time?! After a few more questions he finally lets me sign in. Honestly if I were going to try to gain illegal access to the medical campus, I wouldn't try to ealk through the front door of one of the more popular buildings on campus. I know I'm overreacting to the situation but I was already in a bad mood because I didn't want to go to class and my friend the security guard made it worse.
2) Also for my faithful readers who were probably wondering, "Have you run into Ansel yet?" Today was that day. So I guess I didn't technically run into him but I saw him. Every Monday there is a microbiology seminar that we're "required" to attend and plus they give us coffee and cookies. So I went to the first one of the year today and sat in the back of the room with some other first years. We're just chatting with each other before the lecture starts and I'm just looking around the room and I spot him on a diagonal from me and let out an audible, "Oh shit" and sink down in my seat. Why in the world did he come to my department's lecture? I'm not sure when he spotted me but I know for sure he did because a PI standing behind me asked a question in the middle of the lecture and everyone in the room (it was a very small room)turned to look to see who was speaking and I saw him see me. We didn't speak or acknowledge each other in any way and when the lecture was over he quickly left the room from the exit in the front of the room.
I was wondering when this inevitable day would come and am a little surprised it hadn't happened sooner. How did I feel upon seeing him?? It was a weird feeling. I didn't get all nostalgic for the "good ole days" or anything like that but rather a mixture of guilt, anger, and disfamiliarity. Guilt because of the way things ended and how he reacted--I still feel like I don't have a sense of closure. Anger for a lot of the verbal abuse I endured from him especially in this past year which was a huge part of my decision to end our relationship. And lastly disfamiliarity because I feel like I just don't know that person anymore and I guess I really don't.
We grew apart and are different people now then we were when we were together and that's ok--people come into and leave your life at different times for different reasons and in the end things do work out for the best for all parties involved (this is one cliche that I firmly believe in). I wouldn't take back the time Ansel and I spent together and while I wish our relationship had ended differently, I don't regret that it ended. This was my first "break-up" and in the months leading up to breaking up and from the act itself, I learned a lot about myself and where I am in my life especially in regards to romantic relationships. A new person has come into my life to help me grow as a person and experience love in a new way and I have been and am very happy.
At that point I was just annoyed and shot him a dirty look. What do you mean the phrase graduate student doesn't mean anything to you?? Have you not noticed all the younger looking people walking in and out of the building everyday? Did he wake up this morning and decide he was gonna give me a hard time?! After a few more questions he finally lets me sign in. Honestly if I were going to try to gain illegal access to the medical campus, I wouldn't try to ealk through the front door of one of the more popular buildings on campus. I know I'm overreacting to the situation but I was already in a bad mood because I didn't want to go to class and my friend the security guard made it worse.
2) Also for my faithful readers who were probably wondering, "Have you run into Ansel yet?" Today was that day. So I guess I didn't technically run into him but I saw him. Every Monday there is a microbiology seminar that we're "required" to attend and plus they give us coffee and cookies. So I went to the first one of the year today and sat in the back of the room with some other first years. We're just chatting with each other before the lecture starts and I'm just looking around the room and I spot him on a diagonal from me and let out an audible, "Oh shit" and sink down in my seat. Why in the world did he come to my department's lecture? I'm not sure when he spotted me but I know for sure he did because a PI standing behind me asked a question in the middle of the lecture and everyone in the room (it was a very small room)turned to look to see who was speaking and I saw him see me. We didn't speak or acknowledge each other in any way and when the lecture was over he quickly left the room from the exit in the front of the room.
I was wondering when this inevitable day would come and am a little surprised it hadn't happened sooner. How did I feel upon seeing him?? It was a weird feeling. I didn't get all nostalgic for the "good ole days" or anything like that but rather a mixture of guilt, anger, and disfamiliarity. Guilt because of the way things ended and how he reacted--I still feel like I don't have a sense of closure. Anger for a lot of the verbal abuse I endured from him especially in this past year which was a huge part of my decision to end our relationship. And lastly disfamiliarity because I feel like I just don't know that person anymore and I guess I really don't.
We grew apart and are different people now then we were when we were together and that's ok--people come into and leave your life at different times for different reasons and in the end things do work out for the best for all parties involved (this is one cliche that I firmly believe in). I wouldn't take back the time Ansel and I spent together and while I wish our relationship had ended differently, I don't regret that it ended. This was my first "break-up" and in the months leading up to breaking up and from the act itself, I learned a lot about myself and where I am in my life especially in regards to romantic relationships. A new person has come into my life to help me grow as a person and experience love in a new way and I have been and am very happy.
Friday, September 5, 2008
So much I want to say but don't know if it's appropriate or even wanted. Planning a future that may not even exist. Unsure whether to let myself dream or stay grounded and realize that things can come to an end as quickly and haphazardly as they started. I could just burst. So naive. Is it still a secret? Do I even exist? Afraid of getting burned but maybe that's what I deserve. I wish I could see your thoughts for even just a second. I need some validation. If I could freeze time I know exactly which moment I would choose. The world stops--does it stop for you too? The moment I long for takes one click of a mouse. One of a future of many. No more searching. Self-fulfilling loss. Frustrated. If you love someone, you should tell them--words of wisdom from my 5yr old cousin.
**I know the above paragragh probably doesn't make much sense and no, I'm not on any illicit substances. I just have had some stuff on my mind and needed to put them down concretely.
**I know the above paragragh probably doesn't make much sense and no, I'm not on any illicit substances. I just have had some stuff on my mind and needed to put them down concretely.
Fun times on the Miami metro
So I take the Miami metro rail to and from school everyday as to avoid the heinous Miami traffic. The metro only has one line that runs north-south and it doesn't really go to any tourist locales or the beach but but gets me where I need to go Monday through Friday. The metro can be a little sketchy and the ridership isn't as diverse as it is in New York where everyone, no matter who you are, hops on the subway. The metro definitely gives you a slice of the Miami that you don't see on TV or in travel brochures.
That being said I had quite the interesting ride home yesterday thanks to one Mr. Ruiz. So I'm riding the train with Xiaomei, a fellow grad student, when a guy (we'll call him A) sitting in front of us proceeds to start talking to another guy (B) who is reading the newspaper. At first guy A asks if guy B has read the article about Cutler Ridge (a neighborhood near Miami) and guy B responds that he has just started reading the newspaper and hasn't gotten to it yet. There's silence for a while but then guy A starts talking again about how he grew up in Cutler Ridge and how dangerous and gang-infested it is (he also proceeded to start naming every gang in existence). Now you could tell guy B just wanted to read his newspaper in peace and didn't really give guy A the time of day but guy A wasn't the type to take a hint. It was obvious that guy A liked to talk about himself and may have also been a little mentally ill.
Guy A proceeds to then say that he used to be in a gang but has cleaned up his act since moving to Miami. Guy B, who has decided his efforts at reading were futile, starts to talk back and asks what made him turn his life around. Guy A replies nonchalantly, "Jail." Everyone within earshot looks up and stares at guy A, myself included, because I'm sure we all were wondering what type of criminal we were stuck in the train car with (Murderer? Rapist? Thief?) and whether we should be afraid. Even guy B seems a little nervous and doesn't respond right away. Guy A proceeds to explain that he has 4 misdemeanors and 1 felony on his record most involving carrying a concealed weapon and has been in jail twice for short sentences. Guy A also blamed his second stint in the slammer with being a paranoid schizophrenic who heard voices that told him to commit the crimes (Prime example is he mentioned he doesn't use a computer, cell phone, or credit cards because he doesn't want to be traced). Now he's turned his life around and is looking for a job to get back on his feet.
Guy B humors him until he gets off at the second to last stop and leaves me sitting next to guy A for the ride to the last stop. I quickly pulled out my cell phone and pretended to look busy so that I wouldn't have to talk to him because he weirded me out a little (sorry, I'm a terrible person but I get uncomfortable very easily). I hope guy A, Mr. Ruiz, really does get the help he needs and has a better life from here on out. Needless to say I'm curious to see what other experiences I have on the metro this year...just hope I stay safe.
That being said I had quite the interesting ride home yesterday thanks to one Mr. Ruiz. So I'm riding the train with Xiaomei, a fellow grad student, when a guy (we'll call him A) sitting in front of us proceeds to start talking to another guy (B) who is reading the newspaper. At first guy A asks if guy B has read the article about Cutler Ridge (a neighborhood near Miami) and guy B responds that he has just started reading the newspaper and hasn't gotten to it yet. There's silence for a while but then guy A starts talking again about how he grew up in Cutler Ridge and how dangerous and gang-infested it is (he also proceeded to start naming every gang in existence). Now you could tell guy B just wanted to read his newspaper in peace and didn't really give guy A the time of day but guy A wasn't the type to take a hint. It was obvious that guy A liked to talk about himself and may have also been a little mentally ill.
Guy A proceeds to then say that he used to be in a gang but has cleaned up his act since moving to Miami. Guy B, who has decided his efforts at reading were futile, starts to talk back and asks what made him turn his life around. Guy A replies nonchalantly, "Jail." Everyone within earshot looks up and stares at guy A, myself included, because I'm sure we all were wondering what type of criminal we were stuck in the train car with (Murderer? Rapist? Thief?) and whether we should be afraid. Even guy B seems a little nervous and doesn't respond right away. Guy A proceeds to explain that he has 4 misdemeanors and 1 felony on his record most involving carrying a concealed weapon and has been in jail twice for short sentences. Guy A also blamed his second stint in the slammer with being a paranoid schizophrenic who heard voices that told him to commit the crimes (Prime example is he mentioned he doesn't use a computer, cell phone, or credit cards because he doesn't want to be traced). Now he's turned his life around and is looking for a job to get back on his feet.
Guy B humors him until he gets off at the second to last stop and leaves me sitting next to guy A for the ride to the last stop. I quickly pulled out my cell phone and pretended to look busy so that I wouldn't have to talk to him because he weirded me out a little (sorry, I'm a terrible person but I get uncomfortable very easily). I hope guy A, Mr. Ruiz, really does get the help he needs and has a better life from here on out. Needless to say I'm curious to see what other experiences I have on the metro this year...just hope I stay safe.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Who said going back to school was a good idea...
It's been a while since my last post but not too much has happened in the past week except for starting school and visiting Kansas City.
I've been in class since last Wednesday so not even a full week week yet but so far grad school feels like college but that's only because lab rotations haven't started yet. I'm taking two classes: IBS (insert funny jokes about bullshit here) which is basically all of undergrad biology in one semester and Graduate Immunology. IBS started with biochemistry-type stuff about pKa's of proteins, etc which I actually never learned about at Duke (I'm paying for being a slacker) so I started off feeling really unprepared but I've been keeping up with the material, so I feel more capable now (plus I'll feel like a complete idiot if I fail grad school classes since everyone reminds us how easy they're supposed to be).
Besides classes in the morning, we have a seminar called faculty discussions where two faculty members give 30min talks about their research so that we're better prepared when choosing labs for our three rotations this year. This is one of the aspects of the program I really like because I think it would have been really overwhelming to have had to choose someone over the summer based on just their online bio and out of date picture. The one down side is that theses discussions are making me realize that the program in really immunology heavy (they hid this fact well during my interview) and there aren't many researchers on the microbiology side of things (bacteria, viruses, or parasites) which I'm a little disappointed about. I'm a little worried that I may be restricted in my choice of labs or that I'll have to switch my research interests. But I have until the end of the month to pick my first rotation so I have tons of time to think.
Besides my classes and faculty discussions, I have a ton of down time so I've just been hanging out with some other graduate students in the lounge and trying to be social though I should probably be using that time to study. But I'm sure I'll meet more people, especially older grad students, once I get into the lab. Overall I don't really have much to complain about in the first week of school.
This past labor day weekend I went to Kansas City to visit Louis and had a really great time. He took me around the downtown areas and we did some touristy things, went to Lawrence to the undergrad campus to watch the first football game of the season and tailgate, but overall we just hung out and ate out a lot and anyone who knows me knows that laziness + good food = a happy KA so I had an awesome visit. Kansas City was very charming and I could see it being really nice in a few years once it's more developed. It actually reminded me a lot of downtown Durham so I got a little nostalgic. I can't wait to head back for another visit (maybe I'll get myself a pair of cowboy boots next time).
Ok, I need to stop procratinating by updating my blog and learn about stem cells and proteins.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
